Post up Good Jokes!

[Old Fart]

[Old Fart]

> *After retirement, Mr Ashutosh Nath aged about 60 married a young 25 year old woman* .....
>
> Now he was spending less time with his friends. His concerned friends enquired if there was a problem.
>
> *“I'm eager to pass time with you all, but my young wife gets lonely when I'm away.”*
>
> His friends advised him : *Keep a young tenant at home, your wife will be happy in the company of a younger person*.
>
> *Mr. Nath promptly acted on their advise and leased a room in his big house to a young tenant*
>
> Now the friends were meeting more often. One day the friends jokingly asked, : *“How is your wife now*?”
>
> *Mr Nath* : "She is not lonely at all, in fact she is happy and infact *she is pregnant*"
>
> The friends laughed, as they expected this. *And how is the tenant?*” they asked.
>
> Nath replied very soberly *“She is also pregnant* .,.”
>
> *Never underestimate a Senior Citizen*

[Old Fart]

[Old Fart]

[mavrrrick]

The Kansas Department of Transportation (KDOT) found over 450 dead crows on I-35 this past week, and there was concern that they may have died from the Coronavirus.

A veterinary epidemiologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Coronavirus (COVID-19).

The cause of death was actually from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by cars.

KDOT then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.

They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah","Cah" not a single one could shout "Truck"!!!


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[Chinga]

During a church service, the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
Suzie stood and walked to the podium. She said, “Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was crushed.”
There was a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation.
“Phil was unable to hold me or the children,” she went on, “and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and they were able to reconstruct the crushed remnants of Phil’s scrotum, using wire to reinforce and shape it.”
The men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably.
“Now,” she announced in a quivering voice, “thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely.” All the men sighed with relief.
The pastor rose and asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, “I’m Phil.”
The entire congregation held its breath.
“I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum.”

[Old Fart]

[Old Fart]

[Chinga]

A husband returns home after a day at work and explains to his wife that he was laid off and the plant is permanently closing.

Wife: "What are we going to do now? We have all these bills and no way to pay them."

After some back and forth they come to the conclusion that the wife will have to "work" the streets for money.

The next night the couple hits the streets for the first time. Prior to dropping her off he tells her they will set prices based on what the "John" wants and she should consult him before moving forward.

He drops her off and heads over to a nearby parking lot where he will watch out for her. Not long after a car pulls up and the "John" asks her "How much for oral sex?"

She replies "Give me one minute and I will go and check" She runs over to the car where the husband is to discuss.

Wife: "This guy wants to know how much for oral?"

Husband: Tells her "$100.00" so she runs back to the "John"

Wife: Tells the John "It's $100.00 for oral"

John: "That is too much money and I was thinking $60.00"

Wife: "Nope, it's $100.00"

John: "Well how much for intercourse?

Wife: "Give me one minute and I will go and check" Once again she runs over to the car where the husband is to discuss.

Wife: "Now he wants to know how much it is for intercourse?"

Husband: "Intercourse is going to be $200.00" and again she runs back to the John.

Wife: "He says it's going to be $200.00"

John: "That is too much money"

Wife: "Well how much money do you have?"

John: "I only have $100.00 but I assure you that you will have the best sex ever"

Wife: "Oh yeah. How so?"

John: "Let me show you" He proceeds to lean back in his seat to unzip to reveal the largest male organ she has ever seen.

Wife: "OMG. Give me a minute and I'll be right back." Again she runs to back to her husband.

Husband: "Well what did he say?"

Wife: "I need to borrow $100.00"

[Old Fart]