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Thread: Post up Good Jokes!

  1. #591
    Member Chinga's Avatar
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    How Adam Got Eve

    Nothing like a good Bible story to make your day.

    Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.

    So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"

    Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.

    God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
    He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.
    "She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.
    "She will praise you!
    "She will bear your children, and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
    "She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."

    Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"

    God replied, "An arm and a leg."

    Then Adam asked, "What can I get for just a rib?"
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  2. #592
    Member Mellow Yellow's Avatar
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  3. #593
    Admin ZR's Avatar
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    Oh snap!!
    LOL

  4. #594
    Member Chinga's Avatar
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    One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
    asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
    from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
    The florist was pleased and left the shop.
    When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
    'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

    Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,
    the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
    community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
    The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
    you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.

    Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to
    pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
    you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament
    was very happy and left the shop.
    The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
    Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.


    And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
    the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
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  5. #595
    LAST ONE CON VERT's Avatar
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    ~REMEMBER, " life in prison" doesn't mean SHIT to a senior citizen ~ http://www.torontomustangclub.ca/for...4&type=profile

  6. #596
    Super Moderator Stephen06GT's Avatar
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    An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course & heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house. As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:
    COLD BEER: $5.00
    HAMBURGER: $10.00
    CHEESEBURGER: $15.50
    CHICKEN SANDWICH: $18.50
    HAND JOB: $250.00
    Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money, the old golfer walks up to the bar & beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers. She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer. “Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile. “May I help?"
    The old golfer leans over the bar & whispers, “I was wondering young lady, are you the one who gives the hand-jobs around here?” She looks into his wrinkled eyes & with a wide smile purrs, “Yes sir, I sure am.”
    The old golfer leans in even closer & into her left ear
    says softly: “Well then, be sure to wash your hands real good, because I want a cheeseburger.”

  7. #597
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    A Stompin Tom joke....

    Why do Canadians like to do it doggy style?
    So they both can watch the Hockey game!

  8. #598
    Member Chinga's Avatar
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    A nearby Walmart recently installed a medical kiosk, for $10 and a urine sample, it would diagnose any condition. When my friend went with a sore elbow, the computer printout read "You have tennis elbow. Soak it in warm water and avoid heavy work for 2 weeks" Impressed, my friend wondered if he could fool the machine.

    He mixed tap water with dog poo, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and then pleasured himself into the mixture.

    When he put the sample into the machine the next day, the printout read: "1. Your tap water is too hard. Use softener. 2. Your dog has ringworm. Give it antibiotics. 3. Your daughter is on cocaine. Get her to rehab. 4. Your wife is expecting twins. Not yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you keep playing with yourself, your fucking elbow won't get better!

    "Thank you for shopping at Walmart"��
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  9. #599
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    whats the difference between an Irish Wedding and an Irish Funeral???

    one less drunk.
    '86 LX--5.2 Predator,TVS 2.65,built 6r80,308 gear,recaros,etc, 863 rwhp....@15 psi
    '03 Cobra DSG built 4v,TW cams,built t56.G-force axles ---3.0 Whipple 840 rwhp……….(18psi)
    '23 Ranger Lariat Splash.

  10. #600
    LAST ONE CON VERT's Avatar
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    ~REMEMBER, " life in prison" doesn't mean SHIT to a senior citizen ~ http://www.torontomustangclub.ca/for...4&type=profile

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