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Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money."
Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Jack took the money.
~REMEMBER, " life in prison" doesn't mean SHIT to a senior citizen ~ http://www.torontomustangclub.ca/for...4&type=profile
~REMEMBER, " life in prison" doesn't mean SHIT to a senior citizen ~ http://www.torontomustangclub.ca/for...4&type=profile
~REMEMBER, " life in prison" doesn't mean SHIT to a senior citizen ~ http://www.torontomustangclub.ca/for...4&type=profile
~REMEMBER, " life in prison" doesn't mean SHIT to a senior citizen ~ http://www.torontomustangclub.ca/for...4&type=profile
As a trucker stops at a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you're losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde's car. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's Winter in Montana and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"
Just waiting for this crap to be over so we can travel again
~REMEMBER, " life in prison" doesn't mean SHIT to a senior citizen ~ http://www.torontomustangclub.ca/for...4&type=profile
Husband takes the wife to a disco.
There's a guy on the dance floor giving it large - break dancing, moon-walking, back flips, the works.
The wife turns to her husband and says:
"See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
Husband says:
"Looks like he's still f$$kin celebrating!!!
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losing my virginity was a lot like learning to ride a bicycle.....
I was 9, and my dad was holding me from behind.