Post up Good Jokes!

[KIDAGIN]

A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighbourhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well,
I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch" he said. "How much will you charge me ?"
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $100?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint, brushes and everything she would need
,were in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband,
"Does she realise that our porch goes ALL the way around the house ?"
"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes."
A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already ??" the startled husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $100 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.
"Thank you, " the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch, it's an Audi."

[ZR]

^ LOL

[ZR]

On hearing that her elderly grandfather has just passed away, Katie goes straight to her grandparents' house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asks how her grandfather has died, her grandmother replies, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie tells her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex will surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear. Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. It was nice, slow, and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the ding and out on the dong." She pauses, wipes away a tear and then continues, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

[KIDAGIN]

[twister]

^^^ is this from someone in aurora ..lol

[ZR]

Damm that was funny Doug.

[Uncle Buck]

Doug has awesome jokes

[KIDAGIN]

A motorcycle cop was rushed to the hospital with an
inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised
him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept
feeling something that was pulling at the hairs on
his chest. Worried that it might be a second
surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he
finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown
down enough so he could look at what was making him
so uncomfortable Taped firmly across his hairy chest
were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the ultra
sticky kind that doesn't come off once it is put on.
Written in large black letters was the sentence,
"Get well soon!
Luv, from the nurse you ticketed last week!"

[KIDAGIN]

A fifth grader asked her mother the age-old question, 'How did I get here?'
Her mother told her, 'God sent you.'
'Did God send you, too?' asked the child.
'Yes, Dear,' the mother replied.
'What about Grandma and Grandpa?' the child persisted
'He sent them also,' the mother said.
'Did he send their parents, too?' asked the child.
'Yes, Dear, He did,' said the mother patiently.
'So you're telling me that there has been NO sex in this family
for 200 years?
No wonder everyone's so grouchy around here !'

[KIDAGIN]

A Horses Ass

A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as President Clinton
appeared on the television. After a few sips, he looked up at the television
and mumbled, "Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen." A
customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and
decked him.

A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Hillary Clinton
appeared on the television. "She's a horse's ass too," the man. This time, a
customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him,
and knocked him off his stool. "Damn it!" the man said, climbing back up to
the bar. "This must be Clinton country!"

"Nope," the bartender replied. "Horse country!"