Originally Posted by KIDAGIN
LOL, I was going to file a human rights complaint, then remembered this probably happened at one of my families many weddings over the years!
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LOL, I was going to file a human rights complaint, then remembered this probably happened at one of my families many weddings over the years!
A man goes to see a psychiatrist with an obsession.
Dr, I work at a pickle factory and can't resist the urge to place my penis in the pickle slicer but I'm afraid I'll get caught.
The Dr says, For Pete's sakes you need to stop that before you get hurt. Simply try and think about something else when you get the urge.
The next week the man returns and reports that once again he put his penis in the slicer.
The Dr asked, Did you get hurt?
No, it was great.
The Dr again encouraged him to fight the temptation before something terrible happens.
A few days later the man returned looking very upset.
The Dr asked, What happened?
The man said, He got caught by management with his penis in the pickle slicer and was fired from the factory.
The Dr asked, So what are they doing with the pickle slicer now that they know what you've been doing?
The man answered, They fired her too.
For RedSN ...
http://sfglobe.com/?id=644&src=fbfan4_644
BECAUSE RACECAR
After Brian proposed to Jill, his father took him to one side. “Son, when I first got married to your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my pants. I gave them to your mother and told her to try them on, which she did. They were huge on her and she said that she couldn’t wear them because they were too large. I said to her, 'Of course they are too big for you, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' Ever since that day, son, we have never had a single problem." Brian took his dad’s advice and did the same thing to his wife on his wedding night. Then, Jill took off her panties and gave them to Brian. “Try these on,” she said. Brian went along with it and tried them on, but they were far too small. “What’s the point of this? I can’t get into your panties,” said Brian. “Exactly,” Jill replied, “and if you don’t change your attitude, you never will!”
Ralph is driving home one evening, when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present. He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store, and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?" In a condescending manner, she says, "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00." Ralph asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?" "That's obvious," the saleslady says. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."
LOL, thanks.
Here's a couple mathy jokes:
-Don____________
The Confession
A man received the following text from his neighbour:
I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I
have been tapping into your wife, day and night when you're not around. In
fact more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can
no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest
apology with my promise that it won't happen again.
The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and
without a word, shot his wife and killed her.
A few moments later, a second text came in: Bloody autocorrect. Sorry, I
meant "wifi", not "wife".
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
What did the left p*ssy lip say to the right p*ssy lip? "We used to be really tight until you let that d*ck come between us."
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
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