Post up Good Jokes!

[ZR]

Aging Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl’s old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor’s office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.
"On a woman," the doctor said, "the heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

[ZR]

[ZR]

A little boy and his dad were walking thru the drug store and when they got to the counter there was a display of condoms.
The little boy said “ daddy what are those for?”
The dad said “those are for having safe sex.
The little boy keeps on looking at the display of condoms and then said “
Daddy this one has two of them in the box what’s that for?”
The Dad said those ones are for high school boys, one for Friday night and one for Saturday night.”
The little boy said well this one has four in the box who are they for?”
The dad said those are for college boys, two for Friday night and two for Saturday night.”
The little boy said “well this one has twelve in the box, who are they for?”
The dad said “those are for married men,

One for January, one for February, one for March !!!!!!!””””

[ZR]

A little boy and his dad were walking thru the park and the little boy sees 2 dogs going at "IT",
the little boy said “ daddy what are those 2 dogs doing over there?”
The dad said “ they are making puppies”
The little boy said O.K.
Later that night the little boy walks into mom and dads room and they are going at "IT".
The little boy said “ daddy what are you and mommy doing?”
The dad said “ we are trying to make you a little brother or sister”
The Little Boy said “ roll her over I would rather have a puppy!!!!!!!”

[ZR]

Roses are red
Nuts are brown
Skirts go up
Pants go down
Body to body Skin to skin
When its stiff
Stick it in
The Longer its in
The Stronger it gets
It goes in dry And comes out wet
It comes out dripping And starts to sag
Its not what you think......
Its a Teabag

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[ZR]

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

[ZR]

If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?

[ZR]

Bet Trump would love this one.

Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.