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A gynecologist notices that a new patient is nervous. While putting on the latex gloves, he asks her if she knows how they make latex gloves. The patient says no. The doctor says, "There is a plant in Mexico full of latex that people of various hand sizes dip their hands into and let them dry. She does not crack a smile, but later she laughs. The doctor says, "What's so funny?" She says, "I'm imagining how they make condoms."
There was once an Irish actor who did Shakespearean plays, but had aged
and could no longer remember his lines! After many years, he finds
himself in the Halifax Theater in Canada , where they are prepared to
give him a chance to shine again.
The director says "This is the most
important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage
carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and
thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line "Ah, the sweet aroma
of my mistress."
The Irish actor is thrilled. All day long before the
play he was practising his line over and over again.
Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the
stage, and using just one finger he delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet
aroma of my mistress." The theater erupted, the audience was screaming
with laughter and the director was steaming!
"You bloody fool!" he cried "You have ruined me!"
The Irish actor was bewildered "What happened, did I forget my line?
"No!" screamed the director. "You forgot the rose!"
As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out." As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye to eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"
^^^LOL
Drill Sergeant: WHAT'S YOUR SOLE PURPOSE IN THIS ARMY?
Forrest Gump: To do whatever you tell me, Drill Sergeant?
Drill Sergeant: GODDAMMIT, GUMP! YOU'RE A GODDAMN GENIUS! THAT'S THE BEST OUTSTANDING ANSWER I'VE EVER HEARD! YOU MUST HAVE A GODDAMN I.Q. OF 160! YOU ARE GODDAMNED GIFTED, PRIVATE GUMP!
-Don____________
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were hunting buffalo one day to no avail. Tonto jumps off his horse, puts his ear to ground and says, "Buffalo come." The Lone Ranger asks, "How do you know that?" Tonto replies, "Ear sticky."
Q: Why is diarrhea hereditary?
A: It runs in your genes.
Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!" Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut." Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really small, was it?" Sally replied, "No, salty." Mom fainted.
F*ckin' LOL. Hahahahahaa.Originally Posted by ZR
Lil edgy but funny as hell.
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