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Thread: Post up Good Jokes!

  1. #721
    Member MUSTANGWOP's Avatar
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    Doctor: During this prostate exam, please try not to get and erection, Dave.
    Patient: My name is Steve.
    Doctor: Yeah, I know. My name is Dave.

  2. #722
    Club Supporter Old Fart's Avatar
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    One night after a few drinks the police showed up at my front door over a report of suspicious activity. They were told 2 people were sprinting through the neighbourhood and ran into our house and the officer asked if everything was alright.


    Gasping for air and unable to explain my wife responded.

    He beat me!

    I was immediately arrested and hauled to jail

    Long story short that was the last time I raced my wife home from the bar and won.
    Mike

    04 GT
    89 LX...bye-bye!!
    67 Cougar x 2...should have kept them!

  3. #723
    Club Supporter Old Fart's Avatar
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    A farm kid joins the marines

    Dear Ma and Pa:

    I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

    I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

    Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

    We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

    The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

    This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

    Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.

    Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

    Your loving daughter,

    Alice
    Mike

    04 GT
    89 LX...bye-bye!!
    67 Cougar x 2...should have kept them!

  4. #724
    Club Supporter Old Fart's Avatar
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    Mike

    04 GT
    89 LX...bye-bye!!
    67 Cougar x 2...should have kept them!

  5. #725
    Club Supporter Old Fart's Avatar
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    Mike

    04 GT
    89 LX...bye-bye!!
    67 Cougar x 2...should have kept them!

  6. #726
    Member Chinga's Avatar
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    A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father went to a shopping mall for their first ever visit.

    They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

    The boy asked, "What is this father?"

    The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

    While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room.

    The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

    They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

    Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.

    The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son...

    "Go get your Mother."
    Member of the IDGAF+FU2 Community

  7. #727
    Club Supporter Old Fart's Avatar
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    Mike

    04 GT
    89 LX...bye-bye!!
    67 Cougar x 2...should have kept them!

  8. #728
    Club Supporter Old Fart's Avatar
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    Mike

    04 GT
    89 LX...bye-bye!!
    67 Cougar x 2...should have kept them!

  9. #729
    Club Supporter Old Fart's Avatar
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    Mike

    04 GT
    89 LX...bye-bye!!
    67 Cougar x 2...should have kept them!

  10. #730
    Club Supporter Old Fart's Avatar
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    After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came to see a therapist. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.

    On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

    Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

    The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"

    "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
    Mike

    04 GT
    89 LX...bye-bye!!
    67 Cougar x 2...should have kept them!

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