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RIP old man
After surviving throat cancer 6 years ago. Got diagnosed with some sort of liver cancer last year with 3 months expiry but lasted up until now... The last 4 days he went down to about 80 pounds and a big stomach filled with tumors. I drove down there Friday morning and Saturday morning he passed away. I'm glad it went quick because he could have lasted in that state for days still which my mother could not afford emotionally and physically, she lost a few years of life taking care of him in the last week. I noticed a huge difference in her.
It was something to witness a parent dying in front of you. Especially when that person was a 260 pound big guy that was reduced to a tiny grey blob with not even enough muscle mass to keep his mouth closed. Friday I wanted to call 911 to get em out of the shitty house and into a hospital so he can get some good old drugs to stop the pain but my mother refused, Saturday morning she had no choice I called 911 anyway (she wanted us to carry him into a car and drive to the doctor).
Since he started to have a thing called "death rattle" and his brown liquid in his mouth (who everyone said it was just puke) was actually blood from his internal bleeding and his "visions" of seeing dead people wasn't god telling them it was going to be okay, it was hallucinations from delirium.
I knew he had moments to live and I didn't want my mother to witness what could have happened out of a controlled environment. (I did a lot of reading on EOL and he was suffering from cancer anorexia‐cachexia and all the symptoms were text book). I think the death went well (I mean for what it was), he was surrounded by family and didn't feel anything for his passing. Keeping him at home during his last days caused my mother to not sleep or eat for 4 days, father falling down everywhere and staying face first on the floor for 3 hours while she waited for a "reasonable hour to call for help to not wake anyone up". Just not humane at all.
So there's that. I'm glad he passed away relatively quick in a private hospital room with family and with dignity.
Now comes the fucked up part... My parents were absolutely dumb with finances and there's a HUGE, HUGE mess to clean up and if they don't listen to reason, my mother will live her last few years in more poverty and utter shit... We are talking about "give keys to the bank" type of ordeal. The house should be condemned it's absolutely unsafe to live in. I mean... holy cow what a mess, I started to type up what was wrong but I will spare you the details. Let's just say lots of black mold, leaking roof, no water and fire hazard.
My wife and I provided them with a solid plan 5 years ago to get out of poverty and live relatively well without having to work. Instead they ignored everything and did the opposite and here we are today. Not just having to deal with a death but also the shit show we need to take care of ASAP for my mother's sake. My brother and I have no time to grieve, we have to put aside our needs to fix the situation.
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Dude....
First off condolences to you and your family on your fathers passing. May he R.I.P.
Secondly, that whole event sounds like the stuff of worst nightmare fuel. Hopefully you have people to talk to because I know if I saw all of that I'd be out of sound mind. Don't be shy about reaching out for help to those around you, make sure to take care of yourself while taking care of others.
Good luck and god speed on trying to sort through the details going forward, we just had a similar situation occur with an uncle (house was missing windows, holes in the roof so big you could drop a truck through it, etc) and I know it's less than fun trying to get a stubborn relative in to long term care.
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So sorry to hear Steve. That’s a lot to deal with.
There’s always beers in the fridge here is you ever just need to just get your mind off shit.
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Thanks so much guys.
Yeah we are putting aside our needs and whatnot to get things settled asap, priority is our mother as she is pretty up there in age and health isn't 100%. But each time I blinked I saw his grey face over the weekend, it's starting to get better though.
My brother wishes they both went in a car crash at the same time, would have been easier. We would have just not signed anything and let the banks/government deal with the mess. Now I just found out there's an oil spill on the neighbours land from oil barrels. Jesus fuck! My bro got a guy to legally empty the barrels and get rid of them but I say we'd need remediation to cure the soil... if we're going to be honest about it.
I'm at work right now but it's a tad hard to concentrate lol
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May he RIP, our condolences, G & G
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Our sincere condolences to you and your family.
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Condolences to you and your family on your fathers passing.
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My sincerest condolences. We went through something like that when my mum passed 33 years ago. She also died from cancer, and it was a death watch for weeks.
Hope you'll be ok
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My condolences to you and your family .